Just For Fun.....

Scales and Tales Cartoons by Bill McElroy
Redneck Bass Boat
Redneck Cruise Ship
Fish-initions
Fisherman's Thumb a temporary hook holder
Live Bait the biggest fish you will handle all day
Treble Hook a hook that trebles the odds of you catching a fish but quadruples the odds of you getting it caught in your thumb
Angler an obsessive individual who owns a house that is falling down due to neglect
Eight things you won't hear in a bass boat:
1.
"I didn't really need a motor this big."
2.
"Could you unhook this fish?  I hate getting my hands icky."
3.
"I sorta feel guilty about calling in sick."
4.
"We'd better go.  I want to get home while it's still light enough to cut the grass."
5.
"It's kinda lonely out here.  I hope some more boats show up soon."
6.
"I have no idea how much that bass weighed."
7.
"Go ahead and cast, don't worry about hooking me."
8.
"I have way too many lures."
BAIT?  WHAT BAIT?
Two guys are walking along the shore and spotted some anglers.  One says to the other "I can tell what kind of bait they used by looking at the fish they caught."  They see a guy with 2 bass, and he says "He caught 1 on a jig and 1 on a spoon."  So they ask the guy and sure enough, he did.  They come across a guy with 3 catfish.  The guy says "He caught 1 on a worm and 2 on chicken livers."  They ask the guy and sure enough, he did.  About that time a guy went by with a speed boat pulling a beautiful girl on water skis.  The other guy says "OK smarty pants, what did he use to catch her?"  "A diamond ring, a new Cadillac, and a big house!"  "How can you be so sure?"  The guy says "That's my X-wife." :)
Kent and three of his buddies have gone fishing every Saturday for nearly forty years.  One day, the guys are fishing along a highway when a funeral processional drives by.  Well, Kent lays down his pole, stands up in the boat, takes off his lucky hat and places it over his heart.  This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass.  Once it passes, Kent sits down, puts on his hat and cast without saying a word.  His buddies are floored by his actions.  One of them finally speaks up and says, "That sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by."  Kent replied, "It seems the least I could do seeing as how I've been married to the woman for over forty years!"
You might be a fisherman if:
 1. You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
 2. Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
 3. You call your boat 'sweetheart' and your wife 'skeeter'.
 4. Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
 5. You keep a flippin' stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
 6. You name your black Lab 'Mercury' and your cat 'Evinrude'.
 7. Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
 8. You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
 9. You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10. You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11. You think MEGABYTES means a great fishing day.
12. You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13. You think there are four seasons; Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn, and Hunting.
14. Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just 'borrow' the ones off your house.
15. You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16. Your kids know it's Saturday............Because the boat's gone.
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